Creme de la Creme: All Rookie Team PDF Print E-mail
Written by Jacques Rimmier   
Friday, 17 July 2009 05:00

 

7/17/08
Crème de la crème with Jacques Rimmier: 09' All Rookie Team!

Bonjour from your old friend Jacques. Did you forget about me? Cause I did not forget about my now annual All-Jacques Rookie team. Last year was the first for this new and rather wonderful part of the end of the year awards which is brought to you while the big pricks (I mean sticks, as in hitters...ah, screw it! Pricks is right.) are eating up all the hardware and letting the little 6" piece of plastic gold swell their

already swollen melons, I, Jacques am here to share some love for the Rookie Class of 2009. Although last years team was near and dear to my heart (and pee pee), this years Rookie team stands in a class all by itself. Collectively sexier then any "ALL" team every assembled. Without further ado, I introduce to you the Jacques 2009 All Rookie Team!

Giant Ace: Steve Everett - Could possibly become the spokesman for Koegel Hotdogs as he is alway serving the curve from the mound and we all know how much I love weiners! Lil' Everett, actually an amazon princess, is clearly too good for Rookie of the Year, since his name is absent from the formal KWL ballot. However, this Jolly Giant deserves nothing more then to be the Ace of Jacques's All Rookie team. Side bar: Steve would be the tallest guy I have had "relations" with, if he would stop blocking all my advances.

Play Maker: Jon Fosburg - Filling my voids, with his stellar defense that is, this Rookie will find his home patroling the outfield. Despite what is said about your fiance in that other column, your more then welcome to bring her around this team (Jacques loves blondes)! Enough of the femme speak, the FOZ can be found in the best spot to get a handful of balls....not the backseat of my van; the outfield!

Marketable Youth: Travis Branch - What more can be said then he is Mike Raber's little pupil. Unlike his predicesor, Branch has fan power every game with his crowd of one super fan. Branch's cult following is the only thing that keep this Frenchy out those size small shorts. If you weren't aware, Jacques is frightened of people in seeing-glasses. This newcomer's broard shoulders have helped to push the ball out of the park several times this season. However, He has fanned more times than Princess Leia cooling that sex-stalion Jabba the Hutt, but no worries, cause Jacques does not might the cool breeze.

The Clean-up: Josh Whitfield - Although he has not hit a homerun since the AllStar weekend homerun derby, Josh finds a spot on my team for his funstar "exposure" alone! Until this year, I have never met a guy that has shown more "promise" then this pale legged hunk. With my team, Josh will get plenty of oppertunities to "work" for more playing time and additional at bats; anchoring my team as the team's clean-up hitter.

The Manager of Fun (District 7) : Chris Buerger - Jacques' eyes got wider than the El Founte Canal when first focusing on his lush physique! There is something to be said 'bout a man that can tell minions to prepare me a delicious entree (I do enjoy that applebees sampler!). No scene is more rewarding and attractive than a portly gentlemen celebrate a base hit and trot the baselines. This rookie stud has been cracking me up all season and for that deserves a spot on my team!

Honorable Mentions: 2 spoonfuls of butter - Eric Grimm, and Sir Chests alot - Mason Everett


Last Updated on Tuesday, 25 January 2011 16:03
 

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