Jacques Awards PDF Print E-mail
Written by Jacques Rimmier   
Monday, 18 August 2008 05:00
Crème de la crème with Jacques Rimmier: Jacques Awards!

Live!(just like ESPN) from my parent’s basement in Paris France, Jacques here and ready to “pen” my “opinion” on the KWL’s 2008 season.  This year I have covered the Top 10 players, the all rookie team, and my great encounter with Nashman the Trash man.  As I sit and wait for my lovely mother to finish making her famous Coq au Vin, I figure I will poke my head in for one more classic column of Crème de la Crème

Before the end of the season, everyone voted on the KWL awards and it gave many players another opportunity to grow their already swollen heads.  But I will now give you the only awards that mean a damn, The Jacques’ Awards!

Best Pitcher wearing Jean Shorts.  The winner of this very special award is probably the easiest one for my old bones to pick.  This Player has worn jean shorts for as long as I have known him and was a strong favorite to take this award at the beginning of the season and he locked it up when he added the custom paint stains.  The winner is Andy Ross of the Flyin’ Wildebeest.

KWL’s Sexiest Hair Cut. In a league of beautiful hair, and some really great ‘tache’s this was one of my hardest winner to pick.  In one hand you have Matt Quardokus, he looks like he combs his hair between innings as his well cared for mop glimmer in the outfield. In the other hand you have the beauty of this year’s upset!  The winner of this very special award is…………Pat Burnell! Yes, the real upset of 2008!

Bare Back award.  I tried many times to get up close enough to rub up against this next winner, but I always seemed to panic  while approaching this hunk of man meat.  This award was won in the second to last game of the season, when Benny Champagne of the Transformers came riding up on his huffy wearing only a custom grown wool sweater!

Smoothest Hands.  I have had a lot of contact with many hands from this league, but Jergens should look to sign this winner for future advertisements.  Tim Leaym, congratulations on having the leagues smoothest hands and also possibly the hottest buns!

Hairiest Bush of Year. Most would think that the winner of this award would probably be wearing yellow (sittin’ ducks), but this year’s team did more maintenance around the boiler room then your High School Janitor.  The KWL’s Hairiest Bush goes to Mike Raber of the Gentlemen for his best imitation of a bearded clam!

Quit possibly my last article of the year, I would just like to thank all the players of this year’s league for not calling the cops on me.  I often watch from a distance (perched in the woods) and in 2007, I was arrested after the local Les Flics was tipped off to this peeping frenchie.  I plan to stay in France until my parents kick me out, yet again.  I look forward to next year’s season and hopefully I will be around to enjoy it with all of you. All my Love to Adam Nash!

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