Pitch-Out: Travis Branch PDF Print E-mail
Written by Daryl Hutson   
Tuesday, 01 June 2010 17:05
Pitch-out: Travis Branch
6/1/10 by Daryl Hutson

Unfortunately there are no good jokes about Paw Paw because it’s both shadowed by Kalamazoo, and near completely trashy towns such as Bangor and Gobles.  Therefore Paw Paw just is a town like any other small Midwest town, quiet, slow moving, and every once in a while launching a stellar human being out into the world.

If this Pitch Out was about such a human being, I’m sure it would be extremely entertaining.  But it’s not.

Travis Branch had a warm, loving childhood.  The son of a prestigious goat farmer whom earned enough to let his mother stay at home, Travis was sprinkled with all the affection and off tasting dairy products he could handle. So, as you can imagine, it was a surprise to everyone when one fall as the Allegan County Fair packed up and moved on, Travis moved on with them.  They say he was the best Zipper operator this side of the Mississippi, they say in a contest of carnie wit he had no match, and they say his mother missed him dearly.

Maybe this is why years later after the rides were packed up and a successful Wine and Harvest Festival came to close in Paw Paw, Travis said goodbye to that filthy life and walked down Main Street into the arms of his loving mother.

Travis now works at Best Buy in loss prevention.  This is almost the same as running the Ring Toss at the fair in that you’re just trying to protect your boss’s bottom line.  Travis says having a legitimate job has the benefits of getting paid in money as opposed to elephant ears and cheese on a stick, but unfortunately you can’t beat a kid mercilessly for stealing something worth 74 cents.

Travis boosts a natural swing and charisma on the mound.  His most embarrassing wiffleball moment w as a “Gay K” against the Industrials in the ' 09 season.  As I remember it was bases loaded, two out, full count, and Meyers was throwing at Branch’s cocky face; upon ducking the ball hit Travis’s bats and bounced into the board for the last out.

What team do you least like to face in the KWL? Why?
I hate you all equally.

If you could go back and replay one game in the KWL, which game would it be? Why?
The weasels game last year, I threw a one hitter, I kinda want that hit back.

Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?
Because penis shaped foods are too much of a distraction for the idiots at McDonalds to handle.

Who is a better columnist?  Jacques Rimmier or Travis Branch.
Go F yourself.

Which Everett Brother would you rather make-out with?  Steve or Mason?
Steve would just love me and leave me, I would have to take my chances with mason.

Last Updated on Tuesday, 01 June 2010 17:10
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