"We're Number One!" voted by staff PDF Print E-mail
Written by Daryl Hutson   
Monday, 04 April 2011 17:29

 

“We’re Number One!” (Voted by staff) by Daryl Hutson 4/4/2011

Falconing
Live action role playing
Child birth
Hotwheels collecting
Phish (the band)
Hobbyist chicken farming

Just a short list of special interest groups that I personally could care less about.  Because of this, I don’t know whom the most hardcore hobby chicken breeder is nor what mispainted Hot Wheels is the most desirable; and I could care less. The same goes for wiffleball.  To outsiders we’re just a bunch of weirdos playing a kid’s game and many insiders would agree to that as well.

Wiffler’s Digest (WD) is a blog started in February of this year.  The author has attempted to keep things fresh daily by posting videos, links, and comments about our small little slice of the internet.  Last week he decided to post a poll titled, “Best Wiffleball League in the Nation.” This poll included the KWL, HRL, Palisades, Hess Field, Columbia Cowlitz, and Wiffle ATL.  Palisades won the poll, and then both they and the KWL were accused of vote tampering by the author of WD before it was removed.

Lets talk about statistical issues with this poll.

  1. It obviously doesn’t include all the leagues in the nation.

  2. WD is only 2 months old now and its subscriber base is likely a terrible cross section of wifflers as a whole.

  3. Blog spot polls are notorio…

Wait Seriously?! Who gives a shit!  Oh I know who does, Palisades Wiffle Ball League (PalisadesWBL™).

 

They cared enough to Phish (lol) for votes:
http://phantasytour.com/bands/1/topics/2650745/posts
http://phantasytour.com/bands/1/topics/2653354/posts
http://phantasytour.com/bands/1/topics/2653288/posts

 

About Phish Wikipedia says, “…the band has received little radio play or mainstream exposure…” I assume this is because A) they suck ass, B) no one cares, C) a little of both.  Sound familiar Palisades?

 

I first learned of Palisades Wiffleball when their commish signed on the National Wiffleball League forums looking for other leagues to join the PalisadesWBL™ conglomerate. He and I started a “discussion” after another user asked why the PalisadesWBL™ uses Blue Bats and he replied, “With yellow bats we would throw no hitters every other game. We've had some blow outs this season, but we have six or seven guys that hit 80 and throw good screws sliders riser and drops.”

 

This amazing speed and superior player quality “discussion” has carried on to a few other topics on the NWLA forums, typically I try and reason with reality, he calls me retarded, and I lolz because it’s true.  Recently I wrote a short piece of fiction that I not only feel is hilarious, but was sure to ruffle some feathers.

Fernandomania!

 

You can be certain that the only person in the KWL that has ever done any “clowning on” the PalisadesWBL™ in print is yours truly.

 

Why do they deserve this you ask?  Because they are pretentious, self-proclaiming, ego maniacs I reply… with evidence!

 

Commissioner Brett’s pre-award speech, “Thanks for getting guys from work. We don't get anything if we win, I just can't stand the thought of Palisades losing to any league. No offence to any other league, but let's be serious, This Month in Wiffle, Yard Work, Yearbooks, Awards Show, Fund Raiser Video, sponsor that we aren't related to or work for, honestly what other Wiff League actually has had someone pay them for the naming rights to the field. Another thing, how many leagues have copied the look of our artwork. Not to mention how great the players are here”

 

PWBL forum user jayrod posts, “We know we're the best league. We don't need a poll to know that. We delivered more traffic to their site then they've ever seen because we know how to run PR and they call it tampering. Well they can go back to their dismal web presence and we will continue to have the most traffic of any wiffleball site on the web. They can post videos of rabid racoons and we'll post the best videos in the wiffle word.”

 

Brett screams conspiracy, “I can't help but think if it was any league other than Palisades something would have been done to aknowledge [sic] the best league in the country.”

 

Collision proclaims, “Moving forward, we can all be certain that PWBL will be KNOWN as the best league in the country after everyone sees the incredible media lineup coming in 2011. We all know how incredibly talented Brett is and how much time and creativity he pours into all his broadcasts. Once the world sees us in 2011, we WILL be known as the best league in the country... no poll needed.”

 

And “in the end” Commish pipes up again, “In the end this plays right into K-Zoo's hand, they got smoked for all to see and the only way they could save face was to hope that the poll would be decertified. I wouldn't just say that, but come on, they were so desperate to win that they figured out a way to pump multiple votes into the system from a single user when we would have legitimately won the thing if they had just played it straight.

 

With us winning the poll it looks as though the only reason it was decertified was specifically because of the actions of the Palisades WBL which in actuality is totally fucked up because the runner up started all this shit. The kicker, all other parties involved want to keep it quiet, I wonder why?”

 

So what’s the point?  There really isn’t one.  The best league in the nation wins no money, gets no accolades, and really only matters to those that are either the best, or looking to be the best.  Everyone else just wants to play wiffleball and drink beer.

But because I’m a nice guy, here are some tips for the PalisadesWBL™ on becoming #1:

  1. Add content to your website.

  2. Others copying your artwork? How about you make your own team logos instead of stealing them from the MLB?

  3. Stop wearing baseball pants.

    1. Either run the bases or don’t.  Just doing it on homeruns is silly.

    2. “Get that Shit outta HERE! (@4:20)

  4. Refrain from being your biggest fans.

 

So my final message to the PalisadesWBL™ ? Stop talking yourself up, if you’re the best others will let you know louder than you can tell them.  Even then though, not one shit will be given.


Last Updated on Wednesday, 13 April 2011 20:12
 

Standings

American North W L
Friars 20 9
PF Flyers 19 10
Wiff This 18 11
Shanghai Chuckers 16 13
Special K's 14 15
The Sandlot 11 18
Angry Balls 8 21
National North W L
Glory Days 7 24 5
Diablos 17 12
The Scared Hitless 17 12
Growlers 16 13
Ice Cold Pitchers 15 14
Graboids 6 23
Firebirds 2 27
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