Your's Truly - What If? PDF Print E-mail
Written by Lukas Pederson   
Monday, 11 April 2011 11:59
Your's Truly - What if? by Lukas Pederson 4/11/11

As some of you may know, I’m on Spring Break ’11! Woohoo!! So today, as I weighed my options, I decided to feed my inner nerd and watch the latest installment of the Star Trek movie series (for the record, I’ve seen it 3 other times). If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. Even if you aren’t a Star Trek fan, there’s great action, a suspenseful plot, Zoe Saldana is hot as all get out, and Chris Pine is undeniably captivating as a motion picture hero. For those of you who don’t know, the plot basically involves time travel and the creation of an alternate Star Trek reality.

While in nerd mode, this prompted my recollection of a great Marvel comic series

of my childhood. If you ever nerded out with comics as I did, you may recall the “What If...” series, which explores the road not travelled by countless Marvel heroes, detailing countless alternate realities. If you aren’t familiar, check out this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_If_(comics). Titles such as “What if Spiderman had joined the Fantastic Four?,” “What if Wolverine had killed the Hulk?,” and “What if the X-Men had died on their first mission?” riveted me as a child. 
This got me to thinking: what sort of mind-boggling alternate realities must be adrift out there in the KWL space-time continuum? Here’s what I came up with:
What if... half man, half amazing Josh Little had never left the KWL for the Colorado dream? After an historic rookie season from both the batter’s box and the pitcher’s mound, Josh left the KWL to tap the Rockies. Upon his exit, his former team restructured. Melissa Brink, the KWL’s own Wonder Woman burst on the scene, Lukas Pederson stumbled upon the power of PEDs, and Matt Jennings continued as one of the league’s most consistent hurlers. Had Josh remained, would the team now known as the Town Hall Posse stand as defending champs and a reigning dynasty? 
What if... the black bat rule hadn’t been enacted?You know, the one where once a girl is slugging over .400, they have to switch the yellow bat. Would Christie Stratton be the face of the KWL? Would Melissa Brink be a reigning and back-to-back MVP? Would the Ducks have MADE THE PLAYOFFS? In KWL terms, this could be the equivalent of women’s suffrage. 
What if... Scared Hitless star Adam Kusmin didn’t have a fake left eye? I mean seriously, this guy is this good with only ONE EYE?!?! That is just plain embarrassing for the rest of us. The craziest part is that he BATS RIGHT HANDED! Do you realize what that means?!?! He is basically batting blind! Forget about playing without being able to hear; this dude is one of the best hitters in the league and he isn’t really even looking!! Good lord!! He must have some mad Spidey Sense. If he had two eyes looking at the ball, one can only assume that he’d be batting 1.000 with a home run ratio of 1.0 and a slugging percentage of 4.000. This may be the scariest “What if” of them all. 
What if... We all could use the black bat all the time - kind of the like the Palisades WIffleball League? Well, I think it is safe to say that we’d still be waiting for the first ever KWL game to end. In fact, we’d still be waiting for the first ever KWL INNING to end. Each player would have 6,500 homers and 6,500 RBI. Since the ball only goes over the fence, all would be solo shots (shout out to the THP) and there would still be zero outs in the top of the first. I don’t know which team led off the top of the first inning of KWL history, but we are all getting a little bored of your offensive dominance in this alternate reality. 
What if... No Big Deal had only 6 players on their roster? Ok, let’s get real. This is not a realistic scenario in ANY reality, alternate or not. Moving on...
What if... Steve Everett hadn’t left his brother high and dry for the evil Industrial Empire? Well, first off, I hope there are enough Darth Vader helmets to accommodate Steve’s addition because, in the end, this is like asking “What if Anakin Skywalker never turned to the dark side?” I guess only time will tell, but my guess is that I wouldn’t have been holding Mason in my arms last Saturday night while he sobbed himself to sleep. For the record, though, I’d like to thank Steve for that; I’ll always treasure that moment in my heart.

Well, I’m sure that I could go on and on and I’m sure that, according to Stephen Hawing, there are infinite possibilities that could arise from each individual decision we make. I guess we’ll never know the answers to these most intriguing life questions; we can only speculate. So, as we navigate through life’s infinite possibilities, let’s all just live by Doctor Emmet Brown’s most insightful quote: “Roads? Where we’re going... we don’t need roads.”

Yours truly, Lukas

Last Updated on Wednesday, 20 April 2011 11:45
 

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