Worst of the Worst: Big Flats. PDF Print E-mail
Written by Daryl Hutson   
Thursday, 31 July 2014 00:00
Worst of the Worst: Big Flats. by Daryl Hutson 5/22/12

Rumor has it that the PR headquarters of the Kalamazoo PF Flyers was abuzz with activity in the few days leading up to their opening game against Glory Days just a few short weeks ago.  It seems that the team hadn't secured a beer sponsor for this season, and even with the Hanger Bar and Grill already on board, (I think I'm obligated to say half off appetizers on Friday nights,) the Print Freaks were having a rough go at it.

As a craft beer enthusiast and major contributor to the "Kalamabrew" blog, a much respected news outlet on the goings-on in the beer world in and around Kalamazoo, John Liberty first tried to throw his weight around with our local fermentation factories.  Liberty reports that rejections although varied, were consistent in the fact that they were refusals.  It seemed the local breweries not only had no interest in assisting the PF Flyers, they showed no interest in sponsoring a game for children under the age of 21.  When Liberty responded with the correction that all of us were in fact adults, it was already too late; doors had been closed.

The Flyers widened their search to local pubs as well, and after getting thrown out of "The Green Top" because of

teammates alleged remarks about, "Worthless Cubs, and garbage Old Style," they moved the search for a national sponsor.   With the craft beer explosion in this country the team was hoping to get their hands on some of the increased advertising budgets of their favorite brews.  Alas, it was not to be so, rejection after rejection was thrust open them.  Liberty had exhausted every avenue, and in turn was tired of searching.

On an unseasonably warm early May evening, while sitting outside his local Walgreens enjoying a guilty pleasure of a Mad Dog 20/20, Liberty sat and pondered his life.  He was wearing a hoodie, ball cap, and sunglasses to conceal his identity, but the shades also hid his tears.  Why didn't any of his beloved breweries believe in his team?  Was there not justice in this world!

Just then, like an angel sent from heaven, a Kalamazoo hobo stumbled out from the store onto the sidewalk.  One half gloved hand shielded his bloodshot eyes from the intense sun, while the other clutched to a sixer of mystery brew.  Liberty glanced over, and then quickly jumped off his bench toward the down-on-his-luck gentleman.  "Hey! Hobo! What is that beer you’re carrying?!"

Hobo coughed, and then wheezed out, "It's the Water that Makes It."

Liberty tilted his head like a confused dog, punched the homeless man right square in the face, and ran off with the mystery six pack.

Once home, Lib snuck down to his basement bar and grabbed a Pilsner glass and his tasting notepad.  Noting the beers name ,"Big Flats 1901," he poured and started to pen his thoughts.

Beer pours a clear light yellow, decent soda like white fizzy head that falls fast, no lacing to          speak of.  Medium carbonation, little body. Smells of cereal, corn, rice, and a hint of something        else.... I'm getting... is that... cereal box? Has a slight sweetness to the nose. Beer hits the front   of the tongue with hints

of grain, follows through with indications of ammonia, and a light hop bitterness. Tastes like it smells. Delicious.

Liberty knew he had found the official beer sponsor of the 2012 PF Flyers.  He called Walgreens the next day, easily securing enough beer for the whole team this season, 64 cases.  Retail value $98.34.

The rest of the team could not be reached for questioning at the time of this article, but it's rumored that Liberty demanded they either drink up, or end up like the Kalamazoo Hobo, who now sits at the sidelines of every Flyers game.
So enjoy your brew, men!  And afterwards everyone to The Hanger; for great drink specials, pub fare, and good times!
The Kalamabrew blog can be found online @ http://www.mlive.com/kalamabrew/
Follow the PF Flyers on Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/pages/Zoo-PF-Flyers/311546966847
Stop by the Hanger @ 4301 West Main Street  Kalamazoo, MI 49006
Get your own Big Flats 1901 from a Walgreens near you... if you dare.

Last Updated on Monday, 22 June 2015 20:34
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